In My Opinion

 

In My Opinion
For What It’s Worth
  
 
I love dogs. Every young boy needs two things growing up: a puppy and a mother who will let him have one.
 
Actually, what a boy really needs growing up is a father and a mother who keeps him.
 
I hate monkeys.
 
I tolerate cats. Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
 
I know the words to Louie Louie but if I told you; first, we would both be embarrassed and then, I would have to kill you for the sake of national security.
 
Anything that tastes and smells as disgusting as broccoli is not intended for human consumption.
 
I don’t believe Harvey Oswald acted alone.
 
Oliver Stone’s interpretation of the 60’s is a self-serving, distorted nightmare that is an insult to those of us who were there.
 
I believe in global warming but it’s not my fault! Someone needs to tell Al Gore to check the carbon footprint of the sun. 
 
Islam is not a peaceful religion!
 
Would someone please explain to me why people dress dogs in human clothes? I don’t get it. They look stupid. And so do the dogs.
 
I don’t understand why they stopped making ’56 Chevy’s.   
 
Opra is not the Messiah and you can tell her I said so.
 
Did I mention that I hate monkeys who eat broccoli?
 
I believe in gun control; using two hands helps.
 
Life is not about me regardless of how hard I try to make it.
 
Kids are the greatest source of pleasure and pain imaginable. Sometimes the two are a short distance apart.
 
A woman is infinitely superior to a man…at being a woman.
 
A man is infinitely superior to a woman…at being a man.
 
Vietnam was not a bad idea until the politicians screwed it up. The grunts didn’t loose the war; the politicians did.
 
There is something worse than war…not having any convictions worth dying for.
 
Dinosaurs were so stupid that they ate each other into extinction. The last one standing starved to death.
 
Clean sheets are one of my favorite things and the source of a good nights sleep.
 
God created goats to eat weeds therefore; gasoline powered weed-eaters are from hell!
 
Sleep is a waste of good time but the older I get, the better it feels.
 
If anyone understood Field of Dreams, please call and explain. 
 
The early Beatles rule…most of their stuff after Yellow Submarine stinks.
 
Modern day comics who can’t tell a story without using the “f-word” are not funny but I still laugh at the Three Stooges.
 
The amount of misery one has in life is in direct portion to the number of mechanical things they are responsible to maintain.
 
Life hasn’t been the same since the Indians shot Gus (Augustus McCrae in Lonesome Dove, one of my favorite movies!).
 
I don’t like sad movies but I did cry in Ole Yeller and the Notebook.